Day 338

Binge eating is a mental illness.

I know that now.

But I also know that mental illness can be treated.

But first it has to be acknowledged.

No more lying, or glazing over the truth.

It’s time to face the music, and call it what it is.

I was in a mood yesterday.  I did my first official Weight Watchers weigh in, and it did not go as planned.

Now let’s get one thing straight here.  I know what to eat.  In fact, I can eat like a raw vegan yogi all the live long day.

But the second that evening time hits and my kids are in bed…watch out.

I can hoover 5,000 calories in an hour.

Like a bulimic, minus the vomiting and slim figure.

So going on Weight Watchers is more for accountability than anything.  If I know that weigh in day happens once a week, it helps me keep the raging binge beast at bay.

So yesterday when I got home, I was distraught.

And also tired.

And I just wanted to eat a mountain of nachos and go to sleep.

Instead I went into the bathroom and ran the hottest water I could stand, and just stood under the flowing water until the water started to get cold.

As though I was trying to wash away the frustration.

The destructive thoughts.

The shame.

Once I stepped out and into my robe, I looked at myself in the mirror.

And I just kept staring.

And staring.

And staring.

I stared at myself so long that I started to look like someone else.

Ever done that?  It is freaky.

But I guess what I realized is that I really am beautiful.

My chubby cheeks have allowed my skin to retain a youthful look.

The sun spot on my right cheek can be likened to a beauty mark…in some universe.

My extremely long hair lets me know that I am still youthful enough to grow long, brown hair.

My eyes are bright.

My smile is dimmed, but growing brighter by the day.

See, my outlook improved that quickly with just a little effort.

Binge overcome.

Days without incident:  24.


This mornings smoothie recipe:

1 pear
1 apple
1 lemon, peeled and seeded
2 bananas
1 orange, peeled and seeded
1tsp turmeric powder
1tsp grated ginger
3 big handfuls spinach
1 tbsp raw honey
I put everything into the Vitamix, then filled it half full with water, put a few ice cubes on top and blended on high for 2 minutes.

A little sour but very fresh and cleansing.  This made 64 ounces of smoothie, enough for me and my 12 year old daughter, with some left over for this afternoon.




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